Gardening and life

[from an email, source unknown]

the cactus
my teacher

I was never fascinated with cactuses, those prickly plants that grow in the desert, until I saw them peddled in every nook and corner of the city.

Initially I bought just a pot to replace the one I had in my room which mysteriously died inside an expensive open round glass half-filled with black and white sand and pebbles. After a few weeks it also died. Determined to unravel the mystery of dying cactus I bought another three pots. After two months I am pleasantly surprised they remain alive!

My cactuses taught me valuable lessons about plant care. One, they taught me not all plants need careful and constant tending.

Some, like the cactuses, are better left alone. One time, I was meticulously removing the debris suspended in my cactus’ prickles when my friend Bong commented such excessive trimming was ridiculous since cactus thrives in the desert without any human care at all!

At first I refused to believe my cactuses do not need to be fussed over, insisted on my on idea of plant life, and constantly watered my cactuses. When my first cactus died I knew it was because of "water deluge." Since then I restrained myself from doting over my other cactuses and half pretended they didn’t exist. The one in my office has grown high looking pulpy!

One of the cactuses I bought had two stems like horns. When I saw it at a corner store it looked ugly without its pot. I bought it at the end thinking the two "horns" symbolized " life in ugliness". One day I discovered to my dismay its dry soil became a habitat for a horde of scampering ants and one of the " horns" was bitten. The poor "horn" then stopped growing and eventually fell off. The other "horn" continued to grow vertically and now measures half a foot. I’ve been waiting for it to grow thick but until now it remains a thin elongated stem awkwardly hoisted!

My cactuses aptly illustrate people’s need to be left alone, to be given enough space, in order to grow. Excessive attention can stunt or stifle growth. I think now of the times when I feel strongly the need to disengage from familiar surroundings and be lost in unfamiliar world. I believe some of my nurturing moments happened in aloneness, when I was compelled to discover my own inner resource and strength. I also think now of the silence of God when I felt deserted and abandoned. With the benefit of hindsight I now see those times as God ordained, when God, like a father teaching his child to walk, purposely inhibited himself from picking me up in order for my little faith to bedrock.

I also now think of the people I minister to. Compelled by the sense of call to minister I identify myself with their issues strongly such that I also feel weighed down. A recent conversation with a counselor/ therapist raised the need to maintain boundaries.

I also think now of my tendency to be set in my ways and thin king. When my cactus refused to grow as I expected, the poor thing seemed to taunt me of my inability to control it. Some things happen differently from expectations and so I need to think out of the box. There were many times I thought I anticipated God, only to find out later that He is more than I could ever imagine. Such times were mostly hard and difficult, tempting me to accuse God of negligence, of misleading me, of playing with my emotions, of taking my feelings for granted, of abandoning me.

My cactuses also taught me to accept evidence of life even in unpleasant or ugly places. This is an important reminder for me because it teaches me to have unrelenting hope for hard and difficult people, realities and circumstances. I confess my unwillingness at times to learn to love people whose behavior I find obnoxious or below my standard, assuming that not harboring malice or hostility against them is enough for the conscience. I also tend to avoid difficult people to protect myself from emotional strain, forgetting that I can also be hard to relate with (and so in danger of being dropped out of some people’s social registry!).

I also try to shun difficult situations, forgetting that the Spirit of God at the beginning was present and hovering over chaos and emptiness.

My years with the movement have been a motley set of ambivalence, reversals, contrasts, perplexities, ambiguities, and enigmas. They are a palette of contrasting, combining, and complementing hues. There is no one motif. At times I feel consumed by a great passion for the Kingdom of God. At other times I feel overtaken by a lingering sense of meaningless, purposelessness, and brokenness.

What I can say then that my Christian conversion is a continuing experience of the tension between the Spirit and the flesh, that is a daily appropriation of the power to prevail in Christ.

These thought are with me now as I wrap up work with the movement and prepare for a new life as a court employee. I want to thank you for all your prayers an practical support these past six years. Your partnership created within me the necessary sense of accountability and responsibility. I feel privileged to have you as partners and friends. May I request that you consider supporting the movement in its various programs. Like you I strongly believe in its strategic ministry of reaching out to students on campus and graduates in the marketplace.

The Lord is good. May He supply all your needs and let His love overflow in you and through you. I would like to pray for you too. Please let me hear from you.